A Day of Free Thought

Ashlynn is visiting family today and not by my choice. I am struggling to deal with this grief I have for her without seeing her beautiful face. I miss the chirp she makes after begging to cuddle and snuggling into my side.

Today My Questions Are

Will Ashlynn honestly be diagnosed with NF1?
Did my Bubba possibly have NF1?
After finding 2 more Café spots.. Will I suddenly find more?
How will the chemotherapy or radiation affect her?
Why is this happening to my little ray of sunshine?
Will Ashlynn be behind in school?

I feel as though I struggle to find answers to these questions. Reading a website or a pamphlet and then going back thru and rereading it. I want to scream and throw whatever I am reading because it is not giving me the answers that I want. At times in the day I can feel happiness and joy, but at other times I struggle not to break down, I over think the situation and stress myself out.
A mother's love is honestly the strongest emotion in the world, I believe this with all my heart. To consider the fact that my baby will have to go into a battle head on. Knowing she will come out painfully and slow. Is truly today's biggest struggle.

 

My goal to deal with today's thoughts...

A. Go for a late night walk.
B. Talk to my husband about it.
C. Call a family member and catch up on their life (in hopes to keep my mind off mine).

 

 

While I have a lot of fear in my heart and mind. I am also very optimistic. Ashlynn's tumor doesn't mean she has cancer. Ashlynn is a very happy girl and is otherwise extremely healthy. I am truly blessed to be this little girl's Momma. Her strength throughout the developmental delay, and our rough pregnancy shows that she really is capable of anything that is put in her way.

 

A few very good sites to get information on NF1 are...

http://www.genome.gov/14514225

http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site1085/mainpageS1085P0.html